Why Do I Find It So Hard to Make Decisions? (And How to Stop Overthinking Them)

Do you find even relatively simple decisions surprisingly difficult to make?

Perhaps you spend hours researching different options, asking other people what they think or imagining everything that could go wrong.

You make a decision, then immediately question it.

Was that really the right choice?

Should you have chosen something else?

What if you regret it?

For some people, decision making can become exhausting. What starts as an attempt to make a sensible choice turns into hours or even days of overthinking.

The problem is not necessarily that you do not know what you want.

Often, it is that you are putting enormous pressure on yourself to make the right decision.

When every choice feels as though it could have serious consequences, trusting yourself becomes increasingly difficult.

Understanding why this happens can help you make decisions with greater confidence and spend less time wondering whether you have got them wrong.

Why do I find it so hard to make decisions?

There can be many reasons.

You may naturally like to think things through carefully.

Perhaps you have made decisions in the past that you later regretted.

You may worry about disappointing other people or making a choice that affects somebody else.

For many people, however, difficulty making decisions is closely connected to anxiety, overthinking and self-doubt.

Your mind is not simply trying to choose between two options.

It is trying to guarantee that nothing will go wrong.

Unfortunately, very few decisions come with that guarantee.

You may be looking for the perfect decision

When you are anxious about making the wrong choice, you may believe there must be one correct answer.

If you think about the problem for long enough, perhaps you will eventually find it.

So you keep analysing.

You research another option.

You make another list.

You ask another person.

You imagine another possible outcome.

But instead of becoming clearer, you often become more confused.

The more information you gather, the more possibilities you discover.

Eventually, making any decision feels harder than it did at the beginning.

Overthinking creates more uncertainty

It seems logical that thinking about a decision for longer should make you more certain.

Sometimes it does.

But there comes a point where useful thinking becomes overthinking.

You start going over the same possibilities repeatedly.

One moment, option A seems right.

Ten minutes later, you convince yourself that option B is better.

Then you remember something else and return to option A.

Your mind keeps searching for a level of certainty that may simply not exist.

If this is a familiar pattern for you, you may also find How to Stop Overthinking helpful.

Fear of regret can keep you stuck

Sometimes the decision itself is not what frightens you.

It is the possibility of regretting it afterwards.

You imagine choosing one option and later discovering that the other would have been better.

You picture yourself thinking:

“I knew I should have chosen differently.”

This can create enormous pressure.

Instead of asking which option seems best with the information you have now, you start trying to predict exactly how you will feel in the future.

But you cannot know that.

Every decision closes off other possibilities.

That does not mean the decision was wrong.

It simply means you made a choice.

Anxiety makes you focus on what could go wrong

When you feel anxious, your brain naturally pays more attention to potential problems.

This can make decision making particularly difficult.

Instead of thinking about what might go well, your mind begins producing worst-case scenarios.

What if you change jobs and hate it?

What if you move house and regret it?

What if you end a relationship and realise you made a mistake?

What if you say yes and wish you had said no?

What if you say no and miss an opportunity?

Every option suddenly contains a threat.

If you regularly find yourself worrying about possible future problems, you may also relate to Why Do I Worry So Much? (And How to Stop).

You may not trust your own judgement

Difficulty making decisions is often connected to self-doubt.

Perhaps you regularly question whether your thoughts and feelings are valid.

You may assume other people are more sensible, confident or knowledgeable than you.

So before making a decision, you ask several people what they think.

There is nothing wrong with seeking advice.

Sometimes another perspective is extremely useful.

The difficulty comes when you no longer feel able to make a choice unless somebody else confirms that it is the right one.

Even then, the reassurance may not last.

You may wonder whether you asked the wrong person or whether they really understood the situation.

If you often struggle to trust your judgement, Why Do I Doubt Myself So Much? (And How to Stop) explores this in more depth.

You may worry about disappointing other people

Some decisions are difficult because they involve more than your own needs.

Perhaps you know what you would choose if nobody else were affected.

But then you start thinking about how other people might react.

Will they be disappointed?

Will they think you are selfish?

Will they understand?

Will they be angry?

Before long, the question changes from:

“What is right for me?”

to:

“What decision will keep everybody else happy?”

This is particularly common if you are used to people pleasing or taking responsibility for other people’s emotions.

The problem is that there may be no decision that keeps everyone happy.

Sometimes making a healthy choice means accepting that somebody else may not prefer it.

Too many choices can make decisions harder

Modern life gives us an enormous number of options.

Even relatively ordinary decisions can involve comparing dozens of possibilities.

Which product should you buy?

Where should you go?

Which course should you take?

Which job should you apply for?

Which person should you date?

Having choices can be positive.

But more choice does not always create more confidence.

Sometimes it creates more opportunities to wonder whether something better is available.

Instead of choosing something that meets your needs, you continue searching for the perfect option.

Not making a decision is still a decision

When a choice feels overwhelming, avoiding it can bring temporary relief.

You tell yourself you will think about it tomorrow.

Then next week.

Then next month.

For a while, you do not have to face the possibility of making the wrong choice.

But avoiding a decision often has consequences too.

Opportunities pass.

Situations remain unchanged.

Other people may eventually make the decision for you.

Recognising this can be helpful.

You are rarely choosing between making a decision and making no decision at all.

Often, you are choosing between making a conscious choice yourself and allowing time or circumstances to make it for you.

You cannot have complete certainty

This is often the hardest part of decision making to accept.

You can gather information.

You can think carefully.

You can consider the consequences.

But eventually, you have to make a choice without knowing exactly what will happen.

That uncertainty does not mean you are making a bad decision.

It means you are making a human one.

Learning to make decisions with enough information rather than complete certainty can be one of the most important steps towards trusting yourself more.

How to stop overthinking decisions

Learning to make decisions more confidently does not mean becoming impulsive.

Some choices deserve careful thought.

The aim is to recognise when thinking is helping you make a decision and when it has turned into a search for certainty that you are never going to find.

Decide how important the decision really is

Not every decision deserves the same amount of time and energy.

Choosing where to live is very different from choosing what to order for dinner.

Yet when you are prone to overthinking, even small decisions can begin to feel significant.

Before analysing your options, ask yourself:

• How much will this matter in a week?
• How much will it matter in six months?
• Is this decision reversible?
• What would happen if I made the less-than-perfect choice?

Many everyday decisions are much less permanent than they initially feel.

Giving them the appropriate amount of attention can free up a surprising amount of mental energy.

Give yourself a time limit

If you tend to think about decisions endlessly, give yourself a reasonable deadline.

For a small decision, that might mean a few minutes.

For something more important, it could mean a few days or longer.

The exact amount of time matters less than recognising that the thinking process needs an end point.

Without one, your mind can always find another possibility to consider.

Once you have gathered enough information, allow yourself to choose.

Ask what matters most to you

When there are several reasonable options, there may not be an objectively correct answer.

Instead of asking:

“Which choice is definitely right?”

try asking:

“Which choice fits best with what matters to me?”

Think about your needs, values and priorities.

Perhaps one option offers greater security while another offers more freedom.

One might provide more money while another gives you more time.

Neither choice is automatically right or wrong.

The question is which matters more to you at this point in your life.

Stop asking everyone else

Advice can be helpful, particularly when somebody has knowledge or experience that you do not have.

But asking too many people can make you even more confused.

One person tells you to take the opportunity.

Another tells you to be cautious.

Someone else suggests an option you had not even considered.

Eventually, you have so many opinions that you can no longer hear your own.

Before asking somebody else, consider what you already think.

You might even ask yourself:

“If I couldn’t ask anyone about this, what would I choose?”

You may discover that you have a clearer sense of what you want than you realised.

Accept a good enough decision

Many decisions do not have one perfect answer.

They have several reasonable answers.

Learning to recognise a good enough option can make decision making much easier.

This does not mean settling for something that clearly does not meet your needs.

It means recognising when you already have enough information to make a sensible choice.

You do not need to compare every possible alternative before deciding.

Sometimes something can simply be good enough.

Remember that you can change course

An anxious mind often treats decisions as permanent.

But many choices can be adjusted later.

You can change jobs again.

You can alter your plans.

You can reconsider a boundary.

You can learn from an experience.

Even decisions that cannot be completely reversed can often be responded to in ways you cannot currently predict.

Remembering this can reduce the pressure to foresee every possible consequence before you act.

Trust yourself to cope with the outcome

Often, confidence in decision making does not come from knowing you have chosen correctly.

It comes from trusting that you will cope even if things do not go exactly as planned.

Perhaps you make a decision and later realise another option would have suited you better.

That does not mean you failed.

You made the best choice you could with the information you had at the time.

You can learn from it.

You can adjust.

You can make another decision.

The more you trust your ability to respond to whatever happens next, the less pressure you need to put on yourself to predict the future perfectly.

Stop judging past decisions using what you know now

It is easy to look back and believe you should have known what would happen.

But hindsight gives you information that was not available when you made the original decision.

Try asking yourself:

“Given what I knew at the time, was my decision understandable?”

You may still wish you had chosen differently.

You may even decide that you made a mistake.

But making a mistake is very different from being incapable of making good decisions.

Every decision gives you information that can help you make future choices.

Practise making small decisions more quickly

Self-trust develops through practice.

Start with decisions that do not have major consequences.

Choose what you want to eat without comparing every option.

Pick a film without spending half an hour searching.

Buy something suitable without checking every alternative.

Make a plan without asking several people whether they think it is a good idea.

Then notice what happens.

Most of the time, life continues perfectly normally.

Occasionally, you may make a choice you would change next time.

That is okay too.

You are teaching yourself that decisions do not have to be perfect to be manageable.

You are allowed to change your mind

Making a decision does not mean you must defend it forever.

Sometimes new information becomes available.

Sometimes your circumstances change.

Sometimes you simply realise that something is not right for you.

Changing your mind does not automatically mean the original decision was wrong.

It may simply mean you know something now that you did not know before.

Giving yourself permission to change direction can make the original decision feel much less frightening.

Counselling for overthinking and difficulty making decisions

If you regularly become stuck when making decisions, counselling can help you understand what makes uncertainty feel so difficult.

For some people, decision making becomes connected to anxiety and fear of making mistakes. For others, it may be linked to low self-esteem, perfectionism, people pleasing or experiences that have made it difficult to trust their own judgement.

Exploring these patterns can help you recognise when careful thinking has turned into overthinking and understand what keeps you searching for reassurance or certainty.

Over time, you can learn to trust your judgement more, tolerate uncertainty and make choices without repeatedly questioning yourself afterwards.

You do not need to become someone who always knows exactly what to do.

Nobody does.

Confidence in decision making comes from recognising that you can think carefully, make the best choice available to you and trust yourself to deal with whatever happens next.

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